Anxiety: Ambivalence

There are two types of trees, deciduous and evergreen. Deciduous trees, leaves fall. Evergreen trees, leaves do not fall. Interestingly, the latin word ‘decido’ has two meanings. It can mean 1) to decide and also 2) to fall off. (Take the plunge suggests the relevance of both meanings. Indeed, making a wrong decision can provoke the fear of falling!) Put simply, choices imply loss. However, remember, not making a choice is still a choice.

Ambivalence is the mental mess we go through before making a decision.

In my private practice, I meet lots of clients who are stuck in some area(s) of their lives. I like to offer them the reframe that engaging in therapy is them taking control of the situation, and can be a step towards positivity. In the therapy, we explore where they are stuck and how they got stuck.

Don't judge your ambivalence. However, ambivalence can remain in control when it is unconscious. So, it is good to talk to someone about what's taking up your headspace rent-free. Talking to someone can take reduce the intensity of the emotion you might be experiencing.

Decision making is a skill and like any skill you can get better at it with practice. Having the confidence to trust yourself is the first step, but once you have more confidence in yourself, you may feel better about making big decisions in the future.

To borrow a metaphor from ACT, find you cliff and fall off it. Meaning, face your fear. You might find the negative predictions you made don't come to pass.

So, if you are stuck or have to make a decision, consider the following question:

What reason(s) do you give for not making a decision? For example:

"Now is not the right time because............"

".............. makes it impossible to change right now."

"It's actually not that important to change because..........."

How complete are your answers? Do they ring true?

Sometimes life demands boldness. Remember, you've got what it takes, because you are what it takes!